This post sponsored by Skoal

Thankfully, there is a lot of bourbon in this house. It is stored in the damp basement by the washer and dryer on a folding card table. I would describe this basement as cool; cool that it is damp, dusky, and very earthy… and cool because if you were a serial killer this is where you would bury your victims. The card table is covered in bourbon… it is the nectar of life and blossoms down here in bowels of the earth.

The sweet sweet nectar of life has just gotten me through 3 hours of Tinkerbell and her friends. I had no idea that butterflies got their wings painted by fairies… but they fuckin do. They also paint the black stripes on bees, make the grass grow, and spin spider webs with a needle and a thread. Honestly, I had no clue this kind of entertainment existed, nor had I realized how important a full bottle of earth cooled bourbon is to get through these fairy tales. My twin nephew and niece love this stuff… seems they can’t get enough of “tink’bell.” They aren’t even into three glasses of bourbon (like their uncle)… yet they are laughing their little heads off.

There was a moment when my head, eyes, and ears perked up… seems some Disney shows do not have ads, instead they have sponsors. These sponsors (some toy or kids’ apparel company) announce their support of the show at the beginning and then at breaks in the show the sponsors’ products are then shown. I imagine some really smart ad person decided that this sponsorship, like NASCAR, is a better way to get their product displayed. Hook ’em young.

I have always been fairly cognizant of what I was being sold when I was watching television. I also recognize that selling ads is what funds my favorite television. But there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed. You can sell to my twin nephew and niece… they have no money yet. But when you start violating things that are important to me is when I stand up and say “fuck you.”

I didn’t have a problem with Nike using the Beatles’ “Revolution” because I am a Rolling Stones kind of guy. What I have a problem with is Subaru using the Pogues “If I Should Fall From the Grace of God” in their new hockey mom ad. However, by the comments on the youtube version of this ad, I am in the minority. Best. Comment. Ever: “The Pogues are so fucking awesome that they even make a lame car commercial look cool.” – MontrealExposForever. 1. The Pogues are so fucking awesome, but 2. Subaru cars are noooooooo where as lame as the Chevy Cobalt, and finally, 3) What sort of fucking dork has a youtube ID of “MontrealExposForever”… dude that boat sailed so long ago. You’re stupid wannabe-European Canadian city was unable to support a mediocre team that actually had its outfield distance marked in meters… get over it, they are the Nationals now.

“If I Should Fall From the Grace of God” isn’t even about anything closely resembling capitalism, unless drinking an assload of beer and whiskey is somehow promoting capitalism. What this ad really tells me is that Subaru was smart enough to hire an ad firm that was smart enough to hire someone like me. Obviously someone within the bowels of this ad firm realized “the Pogues are so fucking awesome.” Someone knows good music when they hear it and realize there is a tune here that hits close to the heart and head… damn now I want to buy a Subaru.

So if Skoal wants to sponsor my blog… I am open to this financially rewarding endeavor. It would result in the site opening up with a 30 second video of a monkey riding a midget. This dynamic duo would be running through a field of golden wheat while Jerry Jeff Walker’s “Pissin in the Wind” plays loudly. Then it would cut to a large breasted woman, in a skimpy maid’s outfit, bending over to pick up a pair of muddy running shoes. Cut two would show two midget women, also in maid outfits, wrestling in baby pool full of chocolate pudding. Finally, it all fades to black with a flashing picture of a can of Skoal. The last thing you would see is Beavis and Butthead exclaiming… “Damn! The Good Life!”

Damn! The Good Life! indeed! Hopefully some really smart ad person will read this blog and push this idea to Skoal.


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