$6 milllion dollars can buy a lot… except answers

Left of the Dial is where Jesus lives. He is glorified, he is sanctified, he is explained… he is being sold. Anything below 90.1 on your FM radio in the South is going to be filled with fire, brimstone, grace, loving arms, and welcoming bosoms. On a recent long trip, I listened to the sales pitch. It ranged from one “sermon” where the announcer used the words “theological dogma” to a barely graduated from public school speaker (female) who announced that she was no longer going to take her dialysis treatments because Jesus was ready to take her home… she then broke into a tambourine backed song that dripped of moss, church bells, magic, and utter conviction. I never doubted the sincerity.

Some of these commercials involved call-ins… salesmen just knew that ankles and calves were swollen… bow your head and knees and the swelling will disappear. Put your hand on your heart, the fluid filled legs aren’t really the problem… the problem is your lack of faith. There was no mention of getting off the couch, stowing the double stuffed Oreos and strapping on some walking shoes. It is definitely easier to pray than actually problem solve. Sweating for miles is a lot harder than taking a few minutes to “lay your problems” at the feet of the redeemer. Don’t forget the check though… because even though the salesmen know “… these rough economic times are hurtin’ everybody, money is still needed to spread the Word.”

Everything was to be taken literally, there is no questioning. Faith is the foundation. It reminded me of hair loss treatment commercials where before and after pictures are shown of desperate men who will splash in swimming pools (with bikini clad women) more effectively if they could only get their hair back. White-coated “Doctors” extol the miracle treatment that will not only give you back your hair, but balding men can restore their vitality. Praise the lord and pass the ammunition. Will I get my manliness back through a painful procedure of pulling my nose hairs up through my head? Will the fully maned lion inside me roar forth through hair plugs? Are magical lasers heating up to wake the sleeping hair follicles? I have questions that are not being answered. I am being sold a product without really knowing the product and process. You gotta take their word for it.

It leaves a lot of questions. It seems easier to ponder who is the next United Russia party bed partner to ensure its Duma dominance. Putin’s party got a lot less than the 64% in the Duma elections of 2007 (approximately 50.2% in 2011). Will it be the communists or the nationalistic Liberal Democratic Party of Russia? Isn’t the United Russia party made up of former communists and crazy nationalists like those in the Liberal DemocraticRussia party (the title of “Democratic” means they are a party of democracy, right?)… what is a Russian voter to do when all the candidates look the same? Monitors say the recent parliament elections are questionable. Putin has developed a political course of saber-rattling against NATO missile defense measures instead of addressing Russian economic woes. Seriously, what is a Russian voter to believe. It seems your choices are:

  • United Russia – conservatism and pragmatism
  • Communist Party – communism and left-wing nationalism
  • Liberal Democratic Party of Russia – nationalism and Pan-Slavism (WTF is pan-slavism?)
  • A Just Russia – socialism and democracy

An American voter (who listens to anything left of the dial) would hate all these options… except maybe the ruling United Russia party… who doesn’t love Jesus and conservatism? Change is bad, power must be maintained.

If questioning left of the dial commercials and Russian elections isn’t your cup of tea (with extra tea bags). Maybe your thoughts can turn to the RQ170 drone. Lockheed Martin built this sexy thing… it’s called the Sentinel… and one supposedly went down in Iran. The US government says there may have been a mechanical failure while the one of the stealth drones was doing its work in western Afghanistan. Iran says it shot the bad boy down.

Wonder what really happened? What am I to believe? Faith in the almighty US dollar doesn’t give me much security…  the RQ170 unit price is $6 million. Can Iranian air defense systems shoot down a $6 million wonder bird? Faith in the statements of Iranian and American governments seem a lot cheaper and a lot more questionable.

$6 million would buy me own radio station in the left of the dial areas of an FM radio. $6 million would not only buy me some hair, it would also buy me a swimming pool full of bikini wearing ‘hos. $6 million dollars might even win me a seat in the Russian Duma. My questions are not being answered and my inner (and fully maned) lion is roaring for an answer.


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