Trump’s Delicious Ass

I got soaked walking into work yesterday. Everything felt like moist Spanx against my skin. Fortunately, I keep running clothes in my office, so I donned them as soon as I got in. My socks weren’t soaked, so I kept them on. I looked extraordinarily dapper wearing running clothes and shoes with these black socks on. No one at my work blinked an eye.

Oddly dressed individuals is not odd at my work. This building is bursting at the seams with just-not-right attired workers… not inappropriately dressed workers, but employees whose work day clothing selection makes you cock your head to the side and stare. Velcro shoes are all the rage; blazers with elbow patches and 1970s ties are what makes the morning cut of “what am I wearing to work today.” Polished tassel loafers are considered hot; practical shoes trump CFM heels. Fashion is not needed to work at the House of Nerd.

When one thinks nerd, one obviously thinks smart. My employer loves to hire the uber-introverted and the uber-smart (I am the exception on both counts). This leads to a lot of weird personality quirks and bad fashion. There are tons of “nationally recognized experts” here. They read, research, write, and espouse information on the mundane and the exciting. They are the human Google when it comes to public policy and congressional shit.

The uber-nerds have a conundrum here though. They can’t figure out how Donald Trump’s ass became the place to kiss. Water cooler and lunch discussions are more about questions and head scratching than analysis… Donald Trump’s foray into 2012 presidential election cycle is a true WTF moment. I assume Trump’s ass is hairless and old-man saggy, yet it has become the place that a rash of GOP presidential nominee candidates have felt compelled to place their lips. Donald Trump appears to have become a king-maker. However, it doesn’t pass the bullshit test… a lot of smart people here can’t figure out the reason for Trump’s delicious ass.

Aaron Blake, at the Washington Post, argues that it is more about staying on Trump’s good side. Trump “uses incendiary rhetoric when he opens his mouth, the media cover what he has to say and amplify it.” Trump is supposedly someone who “could create a hassle for anybody who is on his bad side.” WTF… fear of a douche bag businessman is the reason GOP candidates are kissing his ass? Trump doesn’t seem to have a constituency, unless you count the sad souls who actually watch his horrible reality television show. Trump doesn’t seem to have a political agenda, unless researching new ways to make his hair look more fucked up is an agenda.

It may, however, have more to do with the candidates themselves and the reasons they run for the presidency. Some run to make money (Herman Cain… until he skyrocketed to the top, and Newt Gingrich… until he skyrocketed to the top… when you skyrocket to the top you have start actually explaining your ideas and your past), some run to advocate a political or policy agenda (Ron Paul), some run to build political capital with a constituency (Michelle Bachman/Tea Party) and then some actually run to be president (Mitt Romney, Rick Perry). All of this seems crazy, or clueless, as Paul Krugman argues.

Donald Trump is neither crazy nor clueless. Donald Trump is about Donald Trump and if the DT brand can be enhanced by play acting as a GOP presidential nominee king-maker, then so be it. As a consumer society, we Americans eat this shit up. Donald Trump beat the birther drum and was seen as crazy… the brother ain’t. Free advertising feeds his ego, and fills his personal checking accounts (I’m not even sure if rich people have checking accounts… bet they don’t write their own checks if they do).

Newt Gingrich was the latest to kiss Pope Trump I’s ring (Pope Trump I ascendency to the status of being the GOP blesser-in-chief reminds me of the old schism in the Catholic Church and its pope pretenders). Gingrich also knows that free advertising helps. He is still paying off his campaign debts when his early attempts were imploding. But, like a phoenix, Gingrich has arisen and grabbed the GOP banner from Herman Cain’s sexually harassing hands and marched forward. As a man who fashions himself as an academic and novelist, it is interesting to watch his attempts to write a new campaign that may result in him getting the GOP presidential nomination. Gingrich’s new campaign now includes a display of his ass kissing abilities.

Kissing the ass of weird egomaniacs may be the new normal. Making crazy normal results in making the normal moot. Once, Americans would have cringed at the thought of militarized law enforcement stalking cities in full battle gear and armed with assault weapons. Now it is normal. Ugg boots with shorts and hose might have turned my head, now I realize bad fashion decisions are the norm. By the way, I still have no fucking clue how Trump’s ass became so delicious.


4 thoughts on “Trump’s Delicious Ass”

  1. Ok now I’m waiting to read your ideas and thoughts on Gingrich’s comment concerning poor kids learning to work!!!

  2. Man, what a screwed-up way we have of selecting our presidential candidates and politicians, at least on the national stage. You and everybody else in the know are right to be confused about this — and the quote in Krugman’s article is right: when the dog catches the car, it becomes terribly obvious that he doesn’t know how to drive it. We demand all sorts of weird tributes and knee-bending to various interest groups and then we’re surprised that all that crap doesn’t mean we’ve selected the right person to actually govern. The other day, after describing my new job responsibilities to someone, he stated that I must be interested in politics. Nope. I’m interested in good policy and good government, and politics (the way we understand them) are certainly part of that, but I hate the way politics on the national stage are practiced in this country. It’s hard to be interested, and I don’t have a good answer to the problem, and I have a degree in this crap.

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