Advice, Warnings, Accusations, and Excuses

“My foot, your ass” is what the crazy bag lady (she literally had two suitcases) told the two Supreme Court police officers who were watching her. I heard this exchange as I passed by on my way to work. This seemed like a good warning… if she truly intended to insert said foot into said asses. I respect individuals who say things that seem plausible, and when a homeless person says they are going to insert their foot into your ass you had better work those sphincter muscles… I imagine duct taped sneakers would hurt your fourth point of contact (ass). Later, a couple of friends and work colleagues told me that she also talked about emails in her brain and accused one of them of cheating with the bag lady’s cousin. Sage wisdom is rampant on Capitol Hill.

I have seen and overheard lobbyists, policy advisors, and private citizens engage politicians and Members of Congress in coffee shops, restaurants, bars, and sidewalks. Sage wisdom is truly rampant on Capitol Hill. One can’t spit without hitting someone with an agenda… this includes my agenda during this holiday season of the desire to consume as many Lil’ Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes as humanly possible.

With the end of the Iraq War (did we win?) it is interesting to note the reasons (and possibly the political agenda), and excuses, for our intervention. First it was because Saddam and Iraq were involved with al-Qaeda’s planning of 9/11. Then it was because of Saddam’s desire for weapons of mass destruction. Finally, it boiled down to regime change and how we were doing the region and the world a favor. I guess if all else fails just throw the words “regime change” out there. Regime does sort of sound like a dirty word, as if it’s a dirty diaper and desperately needs to be changed. The end of the Iraq War makes me primarily sad and tired. Anticlimatic endings to ambiguous wars based on misinformation and confusion never makes one feel very victorious.

Regime change is exactly the kind of words Newt Gingrich uses when discussing Iran. This is the same man, who while a Member of Congress decided to “act” in a totally unforgettable doom’s day movie in the early 1980’s (so totally unforgettable that I had no idea that it existed until my good friend Matt pointed it out to me a couple of weeks ago). So Gingrich obviously knows something about the Middle East. But it does make one wonder what regime change in Iran means. Has there been an analysis of military and diplomatic options to ensure such a regime change? Has anyone considered the consequences of a regime change in Iran? What sort of urban/guerilla bloodletting would Iran be, considering our recent experiences in Iran and Afghanistan? How does a country pay for such an intervention? Iraq would be considered cheap considering the military opponent Iran might turn out to be.

Gingrich, thus far, hasn’t offered any glimpse into his strategy for this regime change but he does predict a timeline of “within a year.” One would hope that a GOP presidential candidate frontrunner would have something to share about a national security goal as monumental as Iranian regime change. At most we have gotten nothing more than bellicose talk and posturing. One would also hope that someone other than a Southerner would sound the war trumpets, but alas we are forced to endure hawkish war talk from a Georgian with bad hair and a historical revisionist. Georgians with bad hair are not making the South look very favorable, but it seems not all Georgians are for Newt.

Piece of advice: don’t go about talking shit about shit you don’t know (obviously I do not follow my own advice)

A warning: regime change in Iran may result in the same things that the regime change got us in Iraq – a country that is now probably going to be massively influenced by an asshole neighbor (Iran… the irony of this is overpowering)

An accusation: warmongering presidential nominees are weak and spineless, plus it displays intellectual laziness (and I know intellectual laziness… I have made a career of it)

An excuse: this type of debate within the GOP presidential nomination process really pisses me off so that is why I am blogging about it (and seems to excite a certain element within the GOP base… see the words “intellectual laziness” above)

I guess this whole GOP presidential nomination process would be far more enjoyable if Newt would just tell Iran “my foot, your ass.” But who wants a presidential candidate that acts like a crazy bag lady? Oh wait….. 29% of the GOP voters do.


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