Best of… no not another New Year’s post

Bloggers, journalists, analysts, pop culture watchers, movie reviewers… everybody is giving their retrospective thoughts on 2011. I really don’t care to think of lists or “best-ofs” for 2011. The Onion said it best a couple of years ago when they ran an end-of-year article that was entitled “What The Hell Just Happened?” As far as I am concerned, limiting the “best-of” lists to a single year negates the truly “best-of” attributes of things that deserve our attention.

It is obvious through my blog posts, daily conversations, and Facebook postings that I am a fan of music. I listen to a lot of damn music and it cuts across boundaries. To listen to a lot of music, one has to buy and download a lot of music. So instead of making a list of the best songs that were released in 2011, I have developed a best-of list of musical categories. Each song is linked so you are able to enjoy them at your leisure. Enjoy Sublimemonkey’s idea on the “best-of.”

Best Song About Masturbation1

Dancing With Myself” – The Donnas. Billy Idol may have recorded what everyone thought was the catchiest masturbation song ever. The Donnas turn it into something a little more quick, and a little more desperate. I usually don’t like covers, especially covers for movies, but this group of ladies have made a rockin’ song a lot more rockin’. This version’s guitar riffs actually sound more appropriately edgy to match the lyrics. Sorry Billy, but the Donnas got you beat (no pun intended).

Best Song About Kentucky2

My Old Kentucky Home” – Nappy Roots. Southern and rural pride is completely color blind. Nappy Roots is as proud of dirt and bulldozers as the Drive-By Truckers. Lyrical and honest is how this alternative hip-hop group is best described. I would also call them extremely artistic, see: “Ride” as proof. Nappy Roots is most famous for “Po’ Folks.” Essentially, this song makes the point that there is no difference between white trash cookin’ and soul food.

Best Song About Drinking3

Can’t Tell If I Drink” – Jason Boland & The Stragglers. There is no better statement in a song than “can’t tell if I drink because she bitches, or she bitches because I drink.” A good song doesn’t have to have deep and thoughtful lyrics, sometimes all it needs is the plain truth. Hell, “Shakespearean” is even used in this song. When your woman (residing in your trailer) ain’t happy, no one is happy.

Best Song That Asks “Baby, Why Do You Want To Hurt Me?”4

Burn Rubber” – Gap Band. This is the other Gap Band hit, and yes it does sort of sound like “You Dropped a Bomb on Me.” A black funk group in blue cowboy outfits with matching hats is nothing but fant-ass-tic. The stage dancers enhance the assomeness of this video. Disco may have sucked, but the Gap Band had the groove. The Gap Band just wants to know why she wants to hurt them. Baby just tell ’em.

Best Song About Dirt5

Bulldozers and Dirt” – Drive-By Truckers. A northern Alabama band that seems to accurately catch the essence of their time and place. I find that most people either really like them or really dislike them. Seems there is no middle ground concerning the DBTs. This band and this song harkens me back to what I identify as my family’s culture.

Best Song About Learning How to Count in German6

Augen Auf” – Oomph. Great songs that includes a bunch of German kids counting to ten. Yep, it’s a pretty evil song… I think, because my German isn’t good enough to really figure out what Oomph is singing. Who doesn’t like evil German kids, or songs about evil German kids.

Best Song That May Be About Satan, or Maybe It’s About Sex7

Am I Demon” –  Danzig. An extremely angry song, but one you can sing along with. I am not gay but I would totally get with Glenn Danzig. Those muscles, that anger… yummy. The studded leather arm bands are either about S&M or ass kicking (which are really the same thing), either way this song rocks.

Best Song About Stripping, or At Least Getting Your Dirty On8

Baby, What You Want Me To Do” – Etta James. This song isn’t just sexy, it is down right dirty and sweaty. This is a song to play as you strip for your significant other. Very few songs match the sexual appeal that this song drips. Dim the lights and shimmy out of your undies to this one. I don’t smoke, but if I did I would need one or two cigarettes after listening to this song.

Best Song About Shoes9

Air Force Ones” – Nelly. This is a running song. It also makes me want to go buy some Nikes and strut around. Unfortunately, 41 year-old nerdy white men don’t carry cool off too well. Not only is the beat and lyrics wonderfully catchy, but the video (with its homage to every professional and collegiate football team in America) is highly entertaining. I didn’t know the sales ladies at FootLocker wore such beautiful outfits.

Best Song About Smoking Weed AND Getting Your Redneck On10

Boys From Oklahoma” – Cross Canadian Ragweed. This sing-a-long reminds me a bit of a Jimmy Buffet because the lyrics are easy to repeat. When this comes on, everyone starts singing. These guys are definitely following in the boots of Waylon and Willie. Singing about pot may be frowned upon by some (commercial radio stations), this song seems to make crowds cheer happily. Yeah… this song glorifies drug use.

1. The worst masturbation song is “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls.

2. The worst Kentucky song is this version of “My Old Kentucky Home.”

3. The worst drinking song is “Das Beer Boot.”

4. The worst baby why you hurting me? song is “Final Destination VS Why you hurt me.” I don’t even know if this really about being hurt by a woman, but I do know it sounds like something you would hear in a spa while your waiting to get your feet massaged.

5. The worst song about dirt is “Dirt” by the Stooges.

6. The worst song about learning how to count in German is “Wieviel.”

7. The worst song about Satan and sex is “Sex with Satan” by Piledriver.

8. The worst song to strip to is “The Stripper Song.”

9.  The worst song about shoes is “Shoes” by Tiga.

10. The worst song about weed and rednecks is “Redneck Zombies” by Damon Alexander and the Ten Cent Rentals… I’m not sure if it has drug references other than dip and moonshine, regardless this song really sucks.


2 thoughts on “Best of… no not another New Year’s post”

  1. lists are the best troll bait ever. so let’s get started.
    1-wrong, right off the dick. i personally love covers (insert birth of punk rock conversation here) but this one doesn’t hold a candle to idol’s version. i’m assuming we’re referring to the idol solo version rather than the generation x version here. the gen x version was grittier but idol’s version had steve jones on guitar. yes, i concede were far better guitarist but he was in the fucking sex pistols fer chrissake.
    2-love the nappy roots. that is all.
    3-definitely some good lyrics and i am now on a quest to find a superior song about drinking. i’ll get back to you.
    4-“do you really want to hurt me” violent femmes cover (see 1)
    5-had never listened to these guys. me likey.
    6-i bow to your superior knowledge. i think i can say “come here with your panties in your hand” in german.
    7-i think danzig is the bastard son of a witch and jim morrison.
    8-etta james is positive proof of goodness in the universe but for pure stipper pole song i’d go with the tubes “she’s a beauty” (i was kidnapped the first time i entered a strip club. long story).
    9-i don’t know shit about shoes. doc marten’s or get the fuck out.
    10-i don’t know shit about being a redneck…

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