A Wedding…by the numbers

Life is about perspective and being an academic who has had to train himself to get better at quantitative analysis, I do…at times…try to think of the common or exceptional through a different lens. This exercise usually ends up providing a glimpse into myself, my biases, my thought process, and allows me to view the world at a slight off kilter view. This new view is important when considering my recent nuptials…naturally this data is important and affects the in depth analysis.

On Saturday, November 9th, 2013, at 11:15am…Mr. and Mrs. Sublimemonkey were married in Surfside Beach, South Carolina. This ceremony was quick and in front of close friends and family…but that is only a quick summary. Here are the numbers:

Number of invites mailed – 58 

Number of RSVP “yes” replies  – 29

Number of no-shows – 3

Number of total  people invited  – 138 [total includes small children and unicorns]

Number of total attended – 60 [total includes small children, midget wrestlers, and unicorns]

Number given to caterer – 60 [damn I love being right]

Mileage of longest travel (one way) for a member of wedding party – 1,187 miles

Total mileage of wedding party travel – 3,229 miles

Average mileage of traveling wedding party – 807 miles

Average mileage of whole wedding party – 403 miles

Number of chairs at reception – 54 [a lot of us never sat down until we fell down]

Number of tables at reception – 6 [yes we made strangers sit together]

Number of table decorations made by bride – 0 [thankfully her groom and 16yo daughter have some decorating skills]

Number of tiers to wedding cake – 3 [the girls wanted 4, but analysis of weight of cakes and number of actual tiers on wedding cake stand determined otherwise]

Number of wedding party who worked on cake – 5 [bride and 16yo daughter did most of the hard labor…11yo daughter did the decorations…groom and friend did precision work]

Number of Lego Michael Jackesons on wedding cake – 1

Number of Lego witches on wedding cake – 1

Number of cats rambling among guests during and after ceremony – 1

Number of dogs that would not shut up their barking regardless of the amount “relaxation” drugs given – 1

Number of tiny dogs carried around by numerous young girls attending wedding – 1

Number of grooms’ mothers kayaking at the reception – 1

Number of male guests required to ensure groom’s mother doesn’t go for a swim – 7

Number of bottles of bourbon before reception – a metric assload

Number of bottles of bourbon remaining after reception – 0

Hours of wedding reception – 12 [seems a few guests stayed until most alcohol was consumed and all food consumed]

Time of bride and groom’s trip to Waffle House following reception – 4:06am

Conclusion: We have some truly great friends. We have a good time and life is grand.

For those of you who haven’t given us a gift yet…we could really use some more bourbon.


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