And you thought your kids’ music was dirty….

Sometimes fortuitous things happen. Severe fog rolled into Charlotte, North Carolina last night…it cancelled my flight to DC. Thus…like every other traveler, I scrambled to find a way out of Charlotte. Fortunately, I am a member of a rental car company that has a policy that if there are cars available, all I have to do is walk to the car climb in and inform the exit agent where I am headed. No standing in lines or being told “no cars available.” Once in my 2013 Nissan Altima, which was a surprisingly comfortable ride, I headed north on I 85. Unfortunately, the car was not outfitted with satellite radio…and I am a huge fan of satellite radio because I deplore commercials…I deplore record company execs determine play lists…and I deplore the idea of hearing the same pop song after another as you cruise along the interstate at 80mph cursing mini-vans and semis.

Then there is that moment as you are repeatedly tapping the “seek” button on the radio that you stumble across a song that is not only catchy…but ultimately memorable. Such a thing happened when among the North Carolina hinterlands I heard Billy War and the Dominoes’ “Sixty Minute Man” which I was first introduced to when I saw Bull Durham. This scene of Crash (Kevin Costner) painting Annie’s (Susan Sarandon) toes while she is tied to the bedposts will always stick out in my teenage mind as the moment when I realized sex was more than bumping uglies…but sex as a mood, a scene, and a feeling. If you don’t see the eroticism in this…you are completely brain dead. This song also made me realize that all the clamoring my parents did about that “awful” music I listened to seemed so hypocritical. If Billy Ward and the Dominoes’ abilities to hold off premature ejaculation isn’t enough to convince you that the “good ol’days” were full of sex…then how about Jerry Lee Lewis’ “Hold on, I’m Coming” ….yeah we all know he married an underage cousin…but he also seems to be letting all them ladies to give him a bit more time…cause he is coming.

Then of course there are tons of lists via the internet that provide you quite an earful of downright nastiness from the days when supposedly our parents and grandparents were being good kids and doing nothing more than listening to the Beach Boys sing about Barbara Ann…in reality they were listening, thinking about…and probably doing the very things mentioned in the following selection of “nasty” songs.

– Dinah Washington’s “Big Long Slidin’ Thing.“…seems she went all over town…went to every bar…looking for her daddy with that “big long sliding’ thing”…but when she couldn’t find him she tried out other musicians and their “instruments.” She was disappointed with those without a big long slidin’ thing.

– The Swallows’ “It Ain’t the Meat.”….it ain’t the meat it’s the motion…The Swallows (and wonder what they mean with that name)….”the bigger they come, the harder they fall.” I particularly enjoy how they describe the motion you get from skinny and big “gals.”

– Wynonie Harris’ “Keep on Churnin’ (Till the Butter Comes)“…and who doesn’t love an ode to the perfect hand job…not the same thing I was taught in grade school when we actually made butter in class…but after sex ed in the 7th grade…I totally got this.

– The Toppers’ “Baby Let Me Bang Your Box“…this title pretty much sums up what the singer wants to do to his baby.

– Royals aka Midnighters’ “Work With Me Annie“…nothing worse than a man begging for sex…but I guess “when the gettin’ is good” a man has to at least ask.

Here I was thinking The Vapors’ 1980s song “Turning Japanese” was so dirty…yet seems decades before “churnin’ butter” was being done….done before any member of The Vapors was born. If you have no idea what “turning Japanese” means…then the next time you are “churnin’ butter” take a look at yourself in the mirror at that crucial moment…yeah, you’ll get it.

No wonder this graph shows a high rate of premarital sex by women…by decade….and note that with all decades the graph arcs begin approximately around 12-14 year olds…yeah today’s kids are so much more sexual than us, our parents, and our grandparents….whatever.

"let's get it on" - by Marvin Gaye
“let’s get it on” – by Marvin Gaye

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